Yes! REAL “face time!”. You’re absolutely right about that, Scott.
I had an incredibly difficult meeting with my CTO once. Would have been a disaster for both of us had either of us handled it poorly (I may have lost my job or simply needed to quit) had we done it over Zoom.
Doing it in his office took 8 minutes to resolve in the best possible way. We ended up with more respect for each other, a stronger relationship, and even a friendship that has lasted now for 15 years!
In stark contrast, having a similar “face-off” on the same huge high-stakes project with the external client was a TOTAL DISASTER over a PolyCom phone call.
I thought I did a good job on the call. But she was in her car in Manhattan rush-hour traffic. We were doomed from the start—with millions of dollars riding on the outcome.
In the end, I arranged a later call, prepared a thoughtful agenda which I rolled out to her gradually in a series of emails, and all was well.
But this took 20-30 hours across a month if low-grade tension. We never again had trust in each other, and I think she lost all respect for me because of the previous call.
There are two principles or adages/rules I try mtmy best to live by in business, in frinedship, in family, and especially in my marriage that bear on this issue as well:
1. When something occurs in the relationship that threatens to harm what I guess I would call our mutual humanity, at the earliest possible time I talk to the person F2F, admit the story I’m making up about our situation, take ownership of my concerns, ask them what their take is, and what HUMAN view they are holding about me and the status of our relationship.
2. Think of this as a form of team sport where we are teammates with the same goal but different notions of how to reach it, that playing well together comes down to trust grounded in mutual respect and admiration, and that all conflicts are golden opportunities to interact with each other in ways in which we can see ourselves coming up against tough stuff, handling it well, and as a result developing even more respect and admiration for each other.
But this kind of highly personal, deeply HUMAN communication REQUIRES that we are in an F2F situation because subtleties of body language, gestures, tone of voice, and facial expression conveying emotion, especially goodwill and clear intention are the reasons why this succeeds or is even possible.
I can’t imagine having to return to an office environment— and haven’t been faced with doing so in years. It’s part my personality and part that I can’t stand interruptions — the employee who dropped by my office almost daily to tell me a joke, for example. But I do get the need for human interaction. I’m fortunate to get that outside of work.
Yes! REAL “face time!”. You’re absolutely right about that, Scott.
I had an incredibly difficult meeting with my CTO once. Would have been a disaster for both of us had either of us handled it poorly (I may have lost my job or simply needed to quit) had we done it over Zoom.
Doing it in his office took 8 minutes to resolve in the best possible way. We ended up with more respect for each other, a stronger relationship, and even a friendship that has lasted now for 15 years!
In stark contrast, having a similar “face-off” on the same huge high-stakes project with the external client was a TOTAL DISASTER over a PolyCom phone call.
I thought I did a good job on the call. But she was in her car in Manhattan rush-hour traffic. We were doomed from the start—with millions of dollars riding on the outcome.
In the end, I arranged a later call, prepared a thoughtful agenda which I rolled out to her gradually in a series of emails, and all was well.
But this took 20-30 hours across a month if low-grade tension. We never again had trust in each other, and I think she lost all respect for me because of the previous call.
There are two principles or adages/rules I try mtmy best to live by in business, in frinedship, in family, and especially in my marriage that bear on this issue as well:
1. When something occurs in the relationship that threatens to harm what I guess I would call our mutual humanity, at the earliest possible time I talk to the person F2F, admit the story I’m making up about our situation, take ownership of my concerns, ask them what their take is, and what HUMAN view they are holding about me and the status of our relationship.
2. Think of this as a form of team sport where we are teammates with the same goal but different notions of how to reach it, that playing well together comes down to trust grounded in mutual respect and admiration, and that all conflicts are golden opportunities to interact with each other in ways in which we can see ourselves coming up against tough stuff, handling it well, and as a result developing even more respect and admiration for each other.
But this kind of highly personal, deeply HUMAN communication REQUIRES that we are in an F2F situation because subtleties of body language, gestures, tone of voice, and facial expression conveying emotion, especially goodwill and clear intention are the reasons why this succeeds or is even possible.
I can’t imagine having to return to an office environment— and haven’t been faced with doing so in years. It’s part my personality and part that I can’t stand interruptions — the employee who dropped by my office almost daily to tell me a joke, for example. But I do get the need for human interaction. I’m fortunate to get that outside of work.