Words Words Words

The smallest change can make a big difference

The Saturday edition of Timeless & Timely is just for word nerds. If you’re not yet a subscriber and you’d like more words, here’s your chance:

The Comical Hotch Potch, or The Alphabet turn'd Posture-Master by Carington Bowles, 1782 (public domain - Wikimedia Commons)

“The difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large matter—it’s the difference between the lightning-bug and the lightning.” — Mark Twain, 1888

This week in the free and paid versions of Timeless & Timely, we mulled over the negative effects of abundance (“How Much Is Enough?” and “Indecision by Abundance”).

That led me to wonder: what about the flip side of that? Instead of too much of something, what about the slightest tweak?

Well, it doesn’t have to be some theoretical game. The perfect solution — especially for word nerds — awaits.

The Washington Post’s Mensa Invitational invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing just one letter, and supply a new definition.

Think about that for a moment: what a wonderful thing language is when altering a single letter in a word can give us a wholly different meaning—or even an entirely new word.

Enough philosophizing. This is Saturday, after all. On to the winning entries.

Cashtration

The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

Ignoranus

A person who’s both stupid and an asshole.

Intaxication

Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

Reintarnation

Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

Bozone

The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

Foreploy

Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of having sex.

Giraffiti

Vandalism spray-painted very, very high. 

Sarchasm

The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it

Inoculatte

To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

Osteopornosis

A degenerate disease.

Karmageddon

It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right?  And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.

Decafhalon

The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

Glibido

All talk and no action.

Dopeler Effect

The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

Arachnoleptic Fit

The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.

Beelzebug

Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

Caterpallor

The color you turn when you discover half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.

Speaking of abundance, they say the only thing worse than finding a worm in your apple is finding half a worm.

If you enjoyed these, and if you’re in constant search for just the right letter to make just the right word, you might want to pick up a copy of Word Freak: Heartbreak, Triumph, Genius, and Obsession in the World of Competitive Scrabble Players.

Thanks, and I’ll see you on the internet.