Solitude and Reflection

Two essential aspects of leadership that are easy to miss (or skip)

Bedroom at Arles by Vincent Van Gogh, 1889 (public domain - Wikimedia Commons, CC by 3.0)

“Follow effective action with quiet reflection. From the quiet reflection, will come even more effective action.” — Peter Drucker

When’s the last time you were alone with your thoughts? No, truly alone.

I’ll give you a moment to think about that.

Before you say anything, yes, I recognize the irony of asking you to reflect when I’m here, annoying you in your inbox.

The pace that we’re all on can seem frenetic, even on the best days. From a perpetually clogged inbox that can dictate our every action, to calendars that are filled with so many meetings we have scant time to do any actual work, the rigors of work life take a toll.

And that doesn’t even begin to touch the multiple updates we get from Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, TikTok, Clubhouse, Instagram, text messages…I could go on.

It’s something of an epidemic, beyond the impact we’ve been feeling of the pandemic: interruptions and a seemingly nonstop online presence are eroding our ability to focus, reflect and be comfortable spending time with our inner selves.

Kahlil Gibran perfectly intones why our busyness and loquaciousness may be a blockade to reflection in The Prophet:

You talk when you cease to be at peace with your thoughts;
And when you can no longer dwell in the solitude of your heart you live in your lips, and sound is a diversion and a pastime.
And in much of your talking, your thinking is half murdered.
For thought is a bird of space, that in a case of words may indeed unfold its wings but cannot fly.

There are those among you who seek the talkative through fear of being alone.
The silence of aloneness reveals to their eyes their naked selves and they would escape.
And there are those who talk, and without knowledge or forethought reveal a truth which they themselves do not understand.
And there are those who have the truth within them, but they tell it not in words.

We seem to be always running to one thing or another—and in some cases, running from ourselves.

“It isn’t only famous movie stars who want to be alone. Whenever I hear someone speak of privacy, I find myself thinking once again how real and deep the need for such times is for human beings…at all ages.” — Fred Rogers

Improving yourself is hard work. It requires a sometimes uncomfortable level of reflection that comes with meditation or quiet time. But being alone with yourself and reflecting is an essential activity for leaders.

Recent research has shown that our social biome—the mix of interactions that we have, from the closeness we feel with a best friend to casual conversations we have online—has one vital component: alone time.

But plain old alone time won’t cut it. It needs to be intentional. And research shows that reflection boosts productivity.

And yet, many leaders have difficulty with this concept. Why? The A-type personalities that typically rise to the top always seem to have their plates spinning: meetings, calls, decisions, travel, exercise, more, more, more. To pause would mean those plates might fall.

Here’s another possibility: they might not know where to begin. Reflection is a personal process. We each come to it in our own way.

Some of us might meditate. Others might go for a run. Still others might take up an activity like gardening, fishing, or writing.

During this time, some topics you might consider spending time on include:

• What did you do in the last week to help colleagues achieve their goals?

• What did you do that stood in their way?

• What have you avoided in the last week that should have had your attention?

Don’t leave this to chance. Schedule some time in your calendar, whether it’s daily or weekly. Treat it as sacrosanct and as urgent as everything else on your schedule.

And when you do reflect, be serious about it. Turn off your phone or leave it in the other room. Create a sense of calm and stillness. Talk through some of the issues with yourself, being open to taking a position that’s the opposite of what you might normally think.

The results won’t be immediately apparent. Like any kind of exercise you do, it builds over time. It also means you might start out doing shorter sets of reflection as you build up.

“Solitude is different from loneliness, and it doesn't have to be a lonely kind of thing.” — Fred Rogers

Ninety years ago, Franklin Roosevelt began a series of reflections that changed not only his presidency, but the forever altered concept of a president of the United States speaking directly with the American people.

On March 12, 1933, FDR gave the first of his 30 fireside chats, about the Emergency Banking Act. It happened at a critical time in the nation’s history, as the public was on the verge of a panic in the throes of the Great Depression. It was intimate: no matter how many people in a household gathered around a radio, the president was speaking to you.

It showed a sense of vulnerability, as well: that Roosevelt wished to put himself out there and didn’t leave it to newspapermen to interpret his words. He was frank and honest, and created a sense of unity out of solitude, letting the public know “It is your problem no less than it is mine…Together we cannot fail.”

Radio in those days, just as podcasting does today, created a sense of familiarity. Of togetherness. Of trust. Qualities that are crucial to any leader who hopes to build a relationship with those she leads.

With more intimacy than a speech in front of thousands, with more personality than an email that lays flat on a screen, an audio interaction puts a voice directly into your head, with all of the warmth, humor, and quirks that it brings.

Between the need for others (discussed in the previous newsletter) and the need to be alone, we find a nexus of understanding. Understanding our own needs and motivations, which is a prerequisite if we wish to understand the needs and motivations of others.

And that requires being comfortable being alone and using the time to reflect.

I’ve got more for you below, including remarks from a CEO who asked for respect for colleagues through a values-led organization, why it’s so lonely at the top, and a book that shows us how to first lead ourselves. I hope you’ll unlock these by joining as a member of our Ampersand Guild. I’ll even give you the first week free.