Heroes Are Everywhere

The selfless helpers among us

Regulus Returning to Carthage by Andries Cornelis Lens, 1791 (public domain - Wikipedia)

“No man is an island entire of itself; every man
is a piece of the continent, a part of the main” — John Donne, 1624

It feels good to be independent, doesn’t it?

To look at a project or opportunity, assess your abilities and past achievements, and think, “I can do this. I don’t need any help.”

In reality, none of us achieves what we do or gets where we are completely on our own.

From childhood on, we look for ways to be free of the confines and constraints that others put on us.

I remember a time — I must have been all of five or six years old — when I was so frustrated by the rules my parents made, I announced that I was running away (haven’t we all had a moment like this?) to my grandparents’ house (Because all grandparents seem to operate without the same rules and restrictions of parents, don’t they? I think it’s part of the Grandparent Code).

My mom sat and watched as I packed my little suitcase, trying to contain her conflicting feelings of amusement and anguish. As I exited the door in a huff, I headed to the end of the driveway where I abruptly stopped. I turned around, my anger fading into desperation, and said,

“I don’t know how to get there. Can you give me directions?”

Autonomy Requires Support

In our fervid desire for autonomy—at any stage of life—we eventually realize that we still need each other if we want to succeed. Humans are a social species. Even the most valiant among us cannot survive alone, nor have we arrived at our current circumstances without the help of others.

In many cases, we see others willingly putting their own well-being and advancement aside for the sake of helping others to succeed.

One such individual was Marcus Atilius Regulus, a Roman consul in 267 and 256 B.C., and later a successful general who cared so deeply for his people that he was willing to make the ultimate sacrifice for them.

He defeated the Carthaginians in a naval battle in the First Punic War, and then he mounted an invasion on North Africa, leading to a series of great victories there. All was well until he was captured at Tunis in 255 B.C.

He made a deal with the Carthaginians who captured him: allow him to go to Rome to convince the Senate to make peace; but he had to swear to return to captivity in Carthage afterwards.

He left for Rome but when he arrived, rather than convincing the Senate to make peace, he called for Rome to continue to wage war on Carthage. Then, he kept his word and returned to Carthage in the awareness that he would be executed.

The ultimate sacrifice.

Regulus was seen by later Romans as a model of civic virtue and a leader who was willing to think of others before himself.

“When I was a boy I used to think that STRONG meant having big muscles, great physical power; but the longer I live, the more I realize that real strength has much more to do with what is NOT seen. Real strength has to do with helping others.” — Fred Rogers, 2003

Real Heroes

After September 11, a quote from Mister Rogers surfaced that frequently gets reused, particularly during national tragedies: “Look for the helpers.” It comes from this longer quote:

“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, "Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.”

There were many helpers on that fateful and horrific day.

The brave men and women who wrested control of Flight 93 from the terrorists and intentionally crashed the plane in a field, so as to avoid further catastrophe.

The leaders who showed up to offer words of support and a direction forward for the stunned masses at home and other helpers on the scene who were grappling with the reality of what had just happened.

Even the reporters who tried to make sense of it all for us were helping in their own way; in particular the late Peter Jennings, longtime anchor for ABCs World News Tonight, who said this of the live coverage of September 11th:

“We went into silent mode. It was not necessary for us to add our own anxiety or shock. I have always been conscious that there are times when some people on TV talk too much. Silence or natural sound on occasion is infinitely more powerful and relevant.”

When someone who trusts and respects you comes to you in an hour of grief, anxiety or frustration, they may not be looking for you to “fix” their problem. They might just want someone to listen to them.

A leader should be asking questions and listening intently. Those actions themselves are helpful. And you can help just by keeping your commentary to yourself.

In a world where bluster and bravado are rewarded, we’re subjected to staged press conferences, viral TikTok videos, and self-congratulatory tweets that laud the prideful and blissfully unaware attention-seeking heroes.

Meanwhile, helpers go about practicing their craft of caring quietly and unceremoniously, focused not on heroism but on humanism.

Helpers are heroes by virtue of how they make others feel and succeed.

Look for the helpers. Be a helper.

You won’t be alone.

There’s so much to learn,

Additional Reading 📚

We frequently hear the safety announcement on airplanes to put on our own oxygen mask before we help others. It demonstrates that without self-care, we won’t be in a position to help others.

This week’s book recommendation is a reminder that solitude is sometimes required to achieve our superpowers. Throughout history, leaders have used solitude as a matter of course.

Martin Luther King, Jr. found moral courage while sitting alone at his kitchen table one night during the Montgomery bus boycott. Jane Goodall used her intuition in the jungles of central Africa while learning how to approach chimps.

Solitude is a state of mind, a space where you can focus on your own thoughts without distraction, with a power to bring mind and soul together in clear-eyed conviction. To find solitude today, a leader must make a conscious effort. Lead Yourself First explains why the effort is worthwhile and how to make it.

You can get these books and others I’ve mentioned in the newsletter in this curated list. When you purchase books through this link, a small portion goes toward supporting my efforts. Thank you!