Hardcore Kindness

Yes, it can be hard. And yes, it’s worth it.

The Good Samaritan by Luigi Sciallero, 1854 (public domain - Wikimedia Commons CC0 1.0)

“Most of us, I believe, admire strength. It’s something we tend to respect in others, desire for ourselves, and wish for our children. Sometimes, though, I wonder if we confuse strength with other words — like aggression and even violence.” — Fred Rogers

There are lots of ways for leaders to be cruel.

They can be thoughtless, selfish, impatient, unkind, rude demanding, quick to anger, and more.

Sometimes, a person seems so cruel that we imagine they must spend time thinking up ways to inflict pain on other people.

We’ve undoubtedly heard stories about tyrants and sadists throughout history — take your pick: Nero, Caligula, Attila the Hun, Ghengis Khan, Vlad the Impaler, Ivan the Terrible, the Marquis de Sade, Adolf Hitler, Joseph Stalin. 

But the reality is that in day-to-day life, cruelty is easy. Because it requires little to no effort.

You know what does take an effort? Kindness. Empathy. Generosity. Gratitude.

Even if these traits are your nature, they require an action on your part. You have to make an effort to express any of these things.

Doing nothing is easy.

“Gratitude is the flowering of a seed of kindness; ingratitude is the dead inactivity of a seed dropped on a stone.” — William George Jordan, 1902

Ludicrous Mode

I was reminded about cruelty in some posts I saw about the recent layoffs at Tesla.

Elon Musk’s company has been seeing lagging interest in its vehicles lately, including the controversial Cybertruck. As a result, Elon began layoffs, including the team responsible for the Tesla charging network.

When the division’s leader objected to the extent of cuts to her team, Musk’s reaction was that layoffs had to be “absolutely hardcore” and he then eliminated the entire team.

And as if the massacre wasn’t enough, the way the layoffs were handled was unconscionable:

Tesla's personalized experience for fired employees

The decision to let employees go is always fraught with emotion — with no one as ridden with angst and pain as the employees themselves.

Because of that, it ought to be done with the utmost grace and consideration, at the very least treating everyone with dignity.

When a company sends a “Dear Employee” letter to inform individuals about their termination, it shows how little regard the leaders have for them.

You would think that at a company run by a CEO who is so interested in AI they’d at least be able to create a mail merge.

Signing the email “Sincerely, Tesla” in an impersonal and detached way, sending the message over email and then not even signing it with a leader’s name is cowardly, immoral, and inhumane.

What we see is an extension of the values of the leadership. Someone had to write that email, approve it, and send it out.

Someone had to believe that this kind of cavalier communication was acceptable.

There was an opportunity for kindness and empathy along the way, and a choice was made to be cruel instead.

It seems like we just covered layoff cruelty a few months ago:

The Ghost of Employers Present

Cruelty Is Not a Strength

The emperor Nero murdered his mother and both of his wives, persecuted Christians, and cheered on the Great Fire of Rome that made way for his luxurious new palace. And yet he was a noted populist, cheered on by the people.

We seem to be back in this ancient rut where strongmen are celebrated and admired. When vulnerability, humility, and empathy are considered a weakness.

The age of artificial intelligence does not absolve us of the responsibility to care for other people. Indeed, it makes it that much more essential.

We need to double down on teaching timeless leadership skills, character traits, and classic virtues (something I do with my coaching clients) like empathy, decency, kindness, vulnerability, courage, duty, wisdom, integrity, self-restraint, and more.

In the face of constant pressures from various stakeholders, it can be a challenge to slow things down and make a concentrated effort to express caring and concern for our employees.

Hardcore kindness sure beats hardcore cruelty.

There’s so much to learn,

Some Extras

Don’t miss this exclusive bonus piece for paid subscribers later this week.

My hardcore kindness, expressed in related content, curated for you:

• The Superpower in Every Leader: people will always remember someone who was kind to them, even when that someone didn’t have to be.

• Vulnerability and Leadership: how to embrace vulnerability in your leadership style; vulnerability is at the intersection of truth and humility.

• Do the Decent: a tale of how merciless bullying led to a life-changing habit.

• The Kindness of Strangers: kindness starts with those closest to us.

• What Would Be the Kindest Choice?: it’s up to each one of us how we respond in any given situation.

• Timeless Leadership Episode 42: Lead from the Heart: Mark C. Crowley talks about heart-centered leadership.