Attention, Please
In a world of distractions, your attention means everything
“Choice of attention—to pay attention to this and ignore that—is to the inner life what choice of action is to the outer. In both cases man is responsible for his choice and must accept the consequences.” — W.H. Auden
Early in my career as an executive at Ford, I was at a conference in Paris, and I remember meeting someone for the first time whom I had only known online.
Angela and I found a high-top table away from the noisy hallway crowd and chatted for a bit, catching up on all that had happened in the five years since we first connected online: new jobs, new cities, family life, observations on the industry, and the like.
She noticed something during this time — something that escaped me.
When we were done, she wound up the conversation with astonishment:
“Scott, I’ve been talking nonstop and during that time you put your phone away and gave me your undivided attention for ten minutes! Who does that?”
Her reaction still sticks with me, some 15 years later.
All I did was listen to her as she talked.
But it was the way I listened that stood out. I gave her my undivided attention — a seemingly insignificant gesture, but one that left a profound impact on her.
By making our conversation more important than anything else, it blew her away.
When we parted, I couldn’t help but feel a bit of melancholy: wistful that something as simple and common as attention, consideration, and kindness were now considered exceptional rather than the norm.
“Attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity.” — Simone Weil
Mister Rogers operated on what was known as “Fred Time”: he was slow and attentive, and his assistants knew not to rush him along if he was spending time listening to someone’s story. He was calm, patient, and so focused that the conversation seemed to occur at an “otherworldly pace.”
He once told Charlie Rose of PBS “the white spaces between words are more important than the text.” He used silence as a tool, a way of listening to others that he called “graceful receiving.”1
Every day, every hour, we get to choose how we get to spend the seconds and minutes allotted to us. And what we spend our time on tells others what is important to us.
Spend 15 Minutes with Me
There is a fascinating program I’m participating in with ActiveCampaign. To mark the extra day we get in 2024 (it’s a Leap Year), they’re encouraging everyone to #MakeMoreTime during the Leap Day Extravaganza on February 28–29.
For this free event, I’ll be giving a 15-minute session called Taking the Time to Avoid the Common Mistakes of a First-Time Leader:
The first time we’re given a leadership position, it’s exciting and daunting. Exciting that our expertise and potential has been recognized, but daunting in that it’s something we’ve never done before. In making this shift from individual contributor to executive, it’s important to remember that what got you here isn’t what you need to get you to the next level.
In this session, executive coach and communications strategist Scott Monty will give you three essential lessons — tips he gives his coaching clients — that will help you be successful in your journey as a first-time leader.
Register for free and give me just 15 minutes of your attention. And there are plenty of other amazing speakers who will have wisdom to impart as you #MakeMoreTime. All talks will be available as replays.
As busy people, we all have limited time.
As humans, we all have limited time on this planet, when we can make an impact with our work and more importantly, with the people we care about.
How will you spend your time?
Your attention is the ultimate gift.
There’s so much to learn,
Related
King, Maxwell. (2019). The Good Neighbor: The Life and Work of Fred Rogers
Undivided attention is so rare now that I've had people get a little squirmy because they're not used to someone paying attention to them—and only them — or ask me if something was wrong because I was not constantly overtalking them. That said, I can overtalk with the best of them (professionally trained over 15 years with my husband, a loquacious east coaster)! However, there's a time and a place for that and then there's a time and a place to just create space for the other person to express themself. Nowhere is this more important than collaborating with a thought leader as they are often baking out their ideas in real time. Still, it's not enough just to pay attention. Non verbal communications are key here, i.e., maintaining a neutral facial expression and an open, non-judgemental vibe — something you do exquisitely, Scott!
This was a beautifully-written post! And so true!!